Getting Fit, Chasing Numbers and Self Acceptance

Hey guys, welcome back! Post number two under the rebrand continues to be a very personal one, so I thank you for spending the time to read in this day and age where almost no one wants to digest anything.I have spent four+ months with Bouncelimit as their ambassador now, and there are a lot of things I have learnt and gained from the journey thus far. If you've not heard about this, I talked about how I was embarking on a journey to get fitter in my previous update.

The results thus far...

I have transitioned from a newbie who exercised about 4 times a year, to someone who goes to the gym at least 3 times a week. Instead of struggling to get through a beginners class, now I struggle to get through a TRX circuit class, I find it difficult to get up at 6am for that Tabata class, I love-hate the intense cardio in the advanced Airbounce class.Much like those Buzzfeed "transformation" or "celebrity diet" videos, the end message has always been that it's a lot more about positive habit building than losing a shit ton of weight in 2 weeks. And that's what it's been for me. From my numbers alone, I can see that I didn't lose that much weight or a huge number of inches. It is true that I have been the smallest I've been in a while, but that's not saying much.What is meaningful though, is how my mindset has changed. 

The thing about thinking... (and how it has changed with exercising)

... Is that a lot is just about how you think. The way you think changes how you interpret your reality and how you choose to react. There have been many significant changes that altered my life just from starting with Bounce, starting to change and getting to that gym on a Friday night.How I react to results: From the get go I wanted long lasting results, I wanted to build habits. This meant that I needed to find a routine that fit with my life and my lack of self-discipline self. It also meant that I had to accept that I may not see significant changes in my body in the short run. And I'm okay with that. I'm not going to beat myself with a bat that's my weight or my huge waistline. There is a constant self-reminder about how it's about the marathon, not the race. That mindset has extended into a larger part of my life - helping me re-focus on the goals I choose instead of getting distracted with fleeting highs and banging lows.How I find balance: I am very ADD and gets distracted very easily. When I was introduced to yoga, and especially Yin yoga at Bounce (aka holding poses for 1-3 minutes long), it made me aware of my own thoughts and it's been a constant battle learning to control them. It was this that sparked my interest in learning about yoga, wellness and finding balance. I have since taken up casual meditation (highly recommend the Simple Habit app), tried out different kinds of yoga classes (Odinson has fabulous ones, but you should go out there and try everything) and have become more aware of my own emotions and thoughts.How I'm treating my body: Though I'm not on the strictest of diets, I've given myself a new reason to eat right, sleep more, exercise better. I'm no longer just in a fad diet for the sake of it, cutting carbs then eating it all back the next day, exercising like a maniac for about two weeks then stop for two years... It's all about finding the right routine - and that in itself is so much more exciting than using number as a goal, because that goal will pass, but wellness is a constant journey and a permanent state of mind.

The zinger: finding self-acceptance

If you know me personally, you will know I think quite little of myself and my appearance. The whole reason I started helloabella.com was almost like a way for me to learn to be okay with sharing myself with people - hopefully stemming from that gaining some acceptance to validate myself and cast away some self-doubt.But in the past months, I've had to learn to accept myself, by myself. This involved the process of checking in with my mind (through yoga), with my body (through monthly check-ins and measurements), with my self-image (through being in a non-competitive environment of group classes).Through constant self-observation, a moment finally happened and a thought floated into my mind: "It's not really about getting skinnier, it's about learning to love myself."This thought of finally accepting my body, being at peace with it, exercising because it is good for my body, not because I'm trying to change my appearance but because I'm trying to feel better in my head and in my body... This is a fucking game changer y'all.

I feel like I'm entitled to self-love because I've earned it by treating my body with respect and love. 

This is so fucking important, and so far away from who I used to be, and so new... And so RIGHT. I no longer feel like I need to look a certain way (on good days), I can just let my body be, I can be both proud and work hard towards something at the same time. This used to make no sense to me.I have also since learned to embrace other parts of me too... But that's for another story time.I'm so happy with where I am and so excited about where I'm going with this. Thanks for sharing this moment with me + I hope this little moment will shine a little light on your journey too. Thanks so much for reading. x