Hey guys, this is probably going to be a wordy one, but it’s something I’ve been thinking of writing for days.I’ve been blogging for a little more than a year now, and I want to say that it has done so much to me and for me that I cannot imagine where I would be without it.
(it means the world to me if you actually read through all of it so thank you in advance!!)
When I first started, it wasn’t on impulse or a haste decision. I’ve always admired the beauty and fashion vloggers, I follow their videos obsessively (along with many other comedy channels on Youtube, I’m just a nerd like that.) and since I spend most of my time either on the internet or in the malls, I actually accumulated quite a bit of opinion on how to dress and present myself.
Since as young as I can remember, shopping for clothes is what I look forward to every weekend with my parents, and as I grew up, I remember people telling me that “oh you’re not that fat” or “you don’t look that fat”. (But of course there are the usual fat nicknames and teases that are just fabulous) What I often say in reply (and with a half sad smile) is, “it’s only cause I know what to pick so it doesn’t show off my fats.”
Truth is, the reason why I got into all these fashion and beauty is because I’m am a very self-conscious person. I care about what people say about me or how people look at me, to the point where literally, I would be guessing what that girl standing next to me at the bus stop is probably thinking about me. And this isn’t healthy.
Skip a little bit ahead to when I moved back to Hong Kong, and here I finally get a chance to re-invent myself. This city can be quite a mean one, but it’s also a big one, and sometimes it’s a very fashion-tolerating one (even though it’s also very fashion-conscious). I was not doing much with my time, and working at an office then meant that I no longer could go around in t-shirt and shorts (let’s all be honest here, there really isn’t a point to dress amazingly for school when I can get 15 more minutes to sleep). I won ChristingC (Fashion Hedonism)’s Forever 21 contest, & I was also so inspired by Superwowomg and all the other bloggers in HK, that I just starting messing about with the self-timer on my father’s DSLR, and this is how it all got started. Just taking pictures of what I wore to work and along the way realised I’m not as ugly/fat as I/some people made me out to be (I must emphasise on my low self-confidence and that I’m not a big headed B-word)
Another thing is, Hong Kong have some amazing fashion in the thrifty area if you know where to go (and a lil bit of cantonese is probs essential). Sometimes I see people on Instagram paying a painful price for what I saw in Argyle Centre or Fa Yuen Street and I think to myself, oh gosh, I really have to write something about this. Yeah, being a student means you have to be on the student budget, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look good (or have to wear the same shirt 3 times a week).
That, that was why I started writing and putting myself out there (for people to judge). By some god sent miracle, I became a GUESS One to Watch blogger, I was asked to visit the Sebago store, I became Sassy Hong Kong’s intern. (I have name cards… Insane!??!) I’ve met some amazing people along the way and I’ve learnt so so so SO much. So many people are willing to teach me things, and this all led me to see so many things that others my age aren’t able to see or experience.
I try not to be so hard on myself, even though there are nights where I look at my stats and wonder are the only people who reads my blog really my friends and my mum. I’m not particularly stylish, and probably only on lucky days my outfit look marginally fashionable. But I have to keep reminding myself that success isn’t my main goal, that I shouldn’t compare, and really, I’ve already gained so much (self-confidence in particular) and am so privileged to be where I am right now.
Deep down, I’m still the same child that’s not so happy, super shy and a nervous wreck who can’t speak properly when I’m meeting new people. But I’m also growing into Abella, the alter ego I created for myself, the one who’s creative, optimistic, and not so self-conscious girl who’s happy with not being able to afford luxury goods and still can see the much brighter side on that.
At the HKFB 2nd Anniversary Party, I was very inspired by the panel of bloggers. It’s true that not everyone can afford what they show of the glossy pages of magazines, but it’s about what you see in the world, and how it translates into your style and how you express yourself.
Thanks everyone who’s been on this journey with me so far and made it amazing. I’m really so blessed. I’ll continue to work hard and be where I want to be.